August 5, 2009

Naturally Loved: Part Ten

The subject of natural hair and our relationships with men has been discussed endlessly, too many times to count. So has the argument that White men appreciate our natural hair more so than Black men. A man expressing love for a woman's natural beauty has been dissected, we use our experiences with Black men as appose to other men to come to conclusions that may not be correct.

First, I live in Toronto and natural hair in this city is pretty common. I have received love from brothers as well as White men, Asian men and every other kind of man walking around. Whether they are stares (I tend to focus on the positive), out right compliments from strangers, or asking me out, I haven't experienced the consistant hate from Black men a lot of naturals speak of. Most men say it is about "if the woman's hair looks good" whether it is natural, weaved, braided, relaxed, etc. Most men that I have spoken to either have a preference for natural hair or don't care either way, just that it looks good. I have always pushed education as the main way to effect change for the better. If we run into a brother that needs some education I think we should give it to him. Ask why he feels that way, compare his hair to your hair because its basically the same (kinky, coily, curly), tell him this is you and you love yourself. If he still doesn't get it than keep it moving, your words will swirl around in his head and maybe the seed you planted will make him examine why he feels the way he does.

The first time I went natural was in college, I cut my hair myself into a cute TWA. I was at work and a friend from high school walked into the store I was employed at. We talked but he kept looking at my hair, anyway a few days later we talked on the phone and he told me "I don't like natural hair on girls, I like it long and straight." I than told him that his hair and my hair were basically the same and how can he not like my hair since the same hair is growing out of his head. He paused and than repeated what he said to me. I than told him that his mother has the same hair as me and that all black women have this type of hair and that if he doesn't like it he doesn't like who he is. We ended the conversation and we didn't talk much after that. Unfortunately, this is more common for other naturals than myself. Thankfully this was the only outright disapproval by a Black man that I experienced and I kept it moving.

Now I am here at this time loving who I am including my hair and looking forward to watching it grow and transform over and over again. If a man is hating on your hair because you chose to embrace your natural beauty educate him and if he doesn't understand your decision than keep it moving. Your self esteem is more valuable and being true to your self is priceless.

Happy Growing,

Natalie

6 comments:

kweensweetee said...

love it...

neema divine said...

agreed!

τreciä said...

great post. in my case i've had the go wash your hair when i wore it straight- time (before I stop using heat and embrace it completely) and not long ago I was told that my hair is beautiful and I heard nothing but positive things.. his hair dresser would love my hair.. etc// (hes wearing locs been a year or two for him)

Nu Kynk said...

It is so comforting when the man in your life accepts you naturally. Most men don't like alot of make up so why not a lot of chemicals altering our hair texture? I think the more we wear our hair in its natural state the men in our lives will see the beauty and erase the negative messages we have been fed about our hair texture.

Mo said...

I think being natural involves having some type of strength, honestly. I've began my transition senior year in high school and in 5 years of college I've met 2 black men who liked my hair. Which is fine because it doesn't change how much I love me. White men on the other hand can't keep their hands off it which is what I always found so.....ironic considering the 10 pound weaves and such out there. Great post.

Nu Kynk said...

@ Mo

LOL about the "ten pound weave":)