October 15, 2009

Love Is Not A Box

I just finished reading a few articles on two sites about love and relationships. To me, love is natural and should never be confined to race and class. Society does this by placing barriers on what is acceptable.

Within the Black community women have been told that we must 'hold it down' for the black man because of the prejudices rampant against him. We must be in his corner and that dating someone of another race is deemed 'unforgivable'.

Over the past twenty years research has shown time and time again that Black men are marrying at a faster rate than Black women and yet within the African-American community single parent households with woman as the 'head' has grown to 70%. I am old-fashioned, I believe in dating, commitment, than marriage and than children. I am convinced that Black women must have been fooled along the way, tricked into thinking the men in their lives would stick around but than they left. Now, we can go into the nitty gritty details of how this happened but by taking a step back and analysing simple mathematics makes the picture clear. These statistics are not present in other communities, so why has the 'head of the household' in the Black community disappeared or become present in various households as the 'head'. Women have seen the dwindling numbers of quality men disappear year after year whether by violent deaths, prison, lack of educational achievement, and available men deciding to be in committed relationships. Yet, women still hold on to the belief that more than likely she too will find that amazing Black man to settle down with.

For some unsavoury reason some Black men I've come in contact with exhibit certain character traits that are consistent with him having thoughts of being in high demand. I know I am not the only woman that has experienced a man who seems to feel that you are desperate for his attention and he must reinforce it by letting you know he is 'wanted' by other women. I usually cut these men off with the quickness and forget I even met them. When this happens they seem confused at my sudden uninterest in them.

If you are a woman dating just keep in mind that love has no colour, holding on to the thought somehow, someday my man will come along is a fairytale, date and have fun. My mother always told me that as long as the man I fall in love with loves and respects me than she is happy, that's all that counts!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I agree 100%. For some reason black women, fully aware of the shortage of marriageable black men, wait for those elusive (and cocky) "golden tickets" while more black men follow their hearts away from women of their own race. The few male cousins of mine who have chosen to wed, have chosen to marry non-black women. Take note and follow suit. The love of your life may be right in front of you but you won't consider him because of a lil thing like race. Pshaw.